unexplained-events:

Crab emerging from its old shell and straight into my nightmares.

unexplained-events:

Crab emerging from its old shell and straight into my nightmares.

Oh man, I saw this at the Alamo in Kalamazoo and it made me laugh so much…go fuck ya self!

tomoatmeal:

Looking for a way to spice up an ordinary game night? Before the group arrives, drill a head-sized hole through the center of the kitchen table. Poke your head through and then have a friend cover it with the lid to a popular game box.
Stay still and try to control your breathing. Have your friend discourage people from sliding the game box around, so as to avoid cuts and bruising to the nape of your neck or a crushed windpipe.
When they lift the lid, scream.
BONUS TIP: If you overhear someone saying they don’t want to play that game, slide your head back down through the hole and wait patiently while the guests play other games. Since they think you aren’t there, the group might start talking serious shit about you. Don’t worry: This is perfectly normal.
Interlock your fingers to shape your hands into a crude bowl. Weep silently, using the hand bowl to catch your tears. 

tomoatmeal:

Looking for a way to spice up an ordinary game night? Before the group arrives, drill a head-sized hole through the center of the kitchen table. Poke your head through and then have a friend cover it with the lid to a popular game box.

Stay still and try to control your breathing. Have your friend discourage people from sliding the game box around, so as to avoid cuts and bruising to the nape of your neck or a crushed windpipe.

When they lift the lid, scream.

BONUS TIP: If you overhear someone saying they don’t want to play that game, slide your head back down through the hole and wait patiently while the guests play other games. Since they think you aren’t there, the group might start talking serious shit about you. Don’t worry: This is perfectly normal.

Interlock your fingers to shape your hands into a crude bowl. Weep silently, using the hand bowl to catch your tears. 

"I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt."
THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE by Blythe Baird (via blythebrooklyn)